Where He Needed Her
Scene Two. Explicit.
Note: Explicit sexual content.
He tipped his palm up and glided the side of his hand up and along her inner thigh. He felt his calluses against the long dimple of her stretch mark, hesitating on his speed.
Take your time so you don’t seem so desperate, he eyed the thick lips darker than he expected and held his fingers back, caressing the bone, the follicles, and pressed down firm with his palms, cupping the cave, thumping it rhythmically.
He looked up, anticipating a response. She closed her eyes and tilted back, all chin and neck now, her nipples staring back at him. Oh good this hasn’t failed me yet.
He pried open her lips, and kissed the lips within. He liked the way her coarse hair brushed his nose. He was pressing his beard into hers, he thought, but you should probably not say that out loud. He ran his tongue up and down her clitoris, trying to stay steady, counting 10 reps at a time, 10 reps at a time, till 60 at least. Stay long enough so she knows that I know what I’m doing, he thought, and 10 and 10 and then he lost either count or rhythm or both—and for a moment there was a woman on a couch, back arched, moaning into the fist juicing her—and he wanted to keep going but his tongue stiffened and wouldn’t. Man I don’t know how to get better at this.
He looked down at his penis. He didn’t want to worry so he had taken a pill but now that it was hard he had other worries.
“How is this?” He looked up at her, just now noticing the taste of her, salty and musky, and he could not tell if he just doesn’t like eating or he is just bad at it. How do you get yourself hungry? How do you know if you are? She let out a long breath, smiling, and he came out from the moment that went blank and found his hands stroking his penis, not knowing how he looked, and what she was seeing.
He lowered himself on her now and watched her keenly. Does she want me or is she allowing it? How would I know the difference? Oh she’s wincing.
“Sorry I should have used lube,” he whispered into the sheets, chin on her shoulders.
“It’s ok,” he heard and wasn’t sure if it was. But he was in now and wished he had gone slower but he was held now, tight, warm, and relieved that he could not see himself and she couldn’t see him either and it was all skin now and sweat and skin and sweat against bone and belly and breast. Her fingertips dug into his shoulders and slid down his back and he felt the counting start again with her fingers and went back to his penis to stop it and felt her squeeze the counting out of him, and then him out of him too, and he knew there was no more of him to get up on his hands for a good look at her so he stayed and left himself wanting what his penis wants. He felt his jaw grind against her cheeks and he was still going and lasting and he wanted to watch her but he didn’t want to lose it, and so he lost it and he was out now, and out and out he came and he felt her eyes on him and he could not help it.
He quivered and looked down at the mess he made on her belly.
“Did you come?” He blurted it out, panting.
“That was hot.” She reached for the kleenex on her beside table.
He took over the tissue, turning the word around, wanting to ask again but didn’t, and cleaned himself off of her then off of him. He had wanted to give her all of him but now wasn’t sure if he did or if he knew how to.
She squirmed out from under him with a giggle and he watched her go, the backs of her thighs, the door closing softly behind her.
He was on his back now with nowhere to put his hands, still sticky in the tissue, while the faucet ran.
Reflections
When did you learn to count instead of feel?
When did you learn to care about how it looks more than how it feels?
Have you ever wanted to give all of yourself and not known how? What are you holding and withholding?
The counting didn’t start in the bedroom. If your counting started in a pew, or a conversation where someone handed you a theology of your body, you were given a script before your body could speak.
God and Sex is a course that reimagines divinity from your body, your pleasure, and your desire. If you are ready to stop counting and start arriving, doors open June 8th.